Well it's been about 6 hours and still no product. I have come to realize a few things though. Going to LPA has been a waste, minus a few people. I remember one of my main motivations being: I need money, LPA gets a ton of money, therefore I need to go to LPA. FALSE. There is nothing special with that school that I couldn't have accomplished elsewhere. I submitted my college apps the other day and worked on a few scholarships and my major accomplishments were completed NOT at LPA. Almost everything I've done, I think, could have still occurred without having to do through this crap. I no longer feel any purpose. I just don't. The only thing is that if I don't do this then life will just get more complicated, which I don't want. I feel isolated. No amount of talking will change this. He was right. I too wonder where I've gone and that who I've become is not who I am. I need to fix this but how? I have so much built up stress. At this point, I'd rather be a robot and just get things done without a care, but of course, I can't do that. Why do I have to be this way? Why do I put myself in these positions? I feel pathetic. I feel frustrated. I feel laksdjflsdjf. I feel like escaping, disappearing until I get myself together. Never before have I been this discontented with life. Sure sure things could be worse. Things could always be worse, but that doesn't help how I feel right now. I really don't know what else to say. I just feel petty.
My essay is crap. It seriously will be the worse thing I've produced. Worse not really being the essay itself but the one thing I feel disappointed in myself for making. Procrastinating is fine. Not producing work to the best of my abilities is fine. BSing is sometimes fine. Submitting something I don't really put forth myself into is not fine. I'm not sure if that's really making any sense and I hope I'm not putting forth the wrong impression. I just don't know how to explain this feeling I have about this essay. Either way, I suppose it's time for me to get back to working on it. I'm glad we didn't have school today. I wouldn't be able last this week if we had.
My essay is crap. It seriously will be the worse thing I've produced. Worse not really being the essay itself but the one thing I feel disappointed in myself for making. Procrastinating is fine. Not producing work to the best of my abilities is fine. BSing is sometimes fine. Submitting something I don't really put forth myself into is not fine. I'm not sure if that's really making any sense and I hope I'm not putting forth the wrong impression. I just don't know how to explain this feeling I have about this essay. Either way, I suppose it's time for me to get back to working on it. I'm glad we didn't have school today. I wouldn't be able last this week if we had.
3 comments:
i know what you're saying about the whole LPA thing...but it's a thing of the past now. there's really nothing you can do about it: it's SENIOR year! it's good to be a reflective sometimes, but you should just press forward or else you'll become more and more discontent with all your decisions and everything you produce when you could be starting fresh everyday and building yourself up again. do what you can in this little bit of time left in high school. focus on getting things done, not on what you haven't done. idk if that makes sense but just stay strong
i agree with tyler, i mean come on. look at me. i can say from experience that leaving LPA is worse than staying at LPA. kim im more misserable now than i ever was at LPA. i agree that it feels like a mistake going to LPA but its not. just keep going and push through. if anyone can do it, its you. we are always here. you dont need to feel isolated. if u ever feel isolated you can always just call/text/or whatever and not just me, all of us. i know how it feels to be where you are, and i made the wrong choice and left.
thanks guys. =]
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